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A plea for a return to the glory days – of ugly footballers
Published by DSAdmin on January 27, 2009
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For too long now, we have dwelt upon past glories and achievements. Remembering the halcyon days of the 1960’s. As the game has progressed through the decades, the fashions have changed markedly and the injection of vast sums of money into the game has seen it change beyond all recognition. However the time has come for us to stand united, as fans from all corners of the globe, to force authorities and teams to turn the tide and allow us the chance to relive those glory days once again. Those memorable days when every team was allowed its fair share of hideously ugly footballers.
Oh admittedly, there are still a few who take up the privilege enthusiastically in the modern game. Wayne Rooney’s simian mono-brow being a fine example, while Peter Crouch often bears a striking resemblance to a constipated giraffe on ice and for a long time Iain Dowie, who some say was a Doctor Frankenstein’s creation on one of his bad days, upheld the right to be shamelessly hideous for many years. However there is a singular lack of frighteners to go around these days. Unfortunately we have been beset by the “pretty boys” who are seldom in an emergency dentists and who see cosmetic surgery as a minor improvement on their chiseled good looks, rather than a necessary public service.
** Photo Credit - http://www.sportvox.fr **
What managers must realise is that ugliness has it’s merits. The 1994 Bulgarian football team performed miracles to reach the semi finals of the World Cup. That was largely based on a team including Trifon Ivanov (pictured above), Krasimir Balakov and Yordan Lechkov. Whilst the Bulgarians played some beautiful football, they also bombarded the opposition with such a wealth of frightfully looking players, that even the Germans (who themselves are no strangers to the freaky faced footballer) were humbled in the quarter finals.
Joe Jordan had a face that would send seasoned war correspondants screaming into the hills, but that did not stop him having a glittering career for Leeds United, AC Milan, Manchester United and Scotland. More recently, it is easy to remember the buck toothed, injury prone scoring sensation Ronaldo. It often looked like defenders were almost afraid to tackle him. They probably were, and what about his compatriot and possible claimant to the title of current worlds best footballer, Ronaldinho? I rest my case. It’s not just players either, think of the best referee of the modern era, and while Anders Frisk was generally creepy in his own way, there can be few who would argue with Pierluigi Colina being rightfully, and frightfully, given this honour.
So, far from shunning ugliness, and using wealth to create beauty, or sending any potentially hideous footballer to play for Leicester City, as Sir Alex Ferguson did with Luke Chadwick, managers should be seeking to embrace this genetic disposition to the repellent, as the kite mark of football quality. In addition they will be certain that these players are not going to miss training for two days this week due to them filming an advert for Kouros with Kate Moss and Elle McPherson.
So how does this theory of ugliness being the standard bearer of quality in football, work out in reality? Well here’s a team of modern day stars that would be pretty difficult to beat, especially with an ugly stick.
** Photo Credit – Main Post Picture – Metro.co.uk **
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Nabyl Charania on Sat, 24th Jan 2009 12:30 am
“Tevez combines a startling visage with a Quasimodo inspired appearance, that would be enough to give Bela Lugosi the screaming heebee jeebies.”… That is just cold! hilarious post !
A team that would be pretty difficult to beat, especially with an ugly stick | deciphersoccer.com on Sun, 25th Jan 2009 11:28 pm
[...] A plea to the return of the glory days – of ugly footballers we discussed the theory of ugliness being the standard bearer of quality in football… how [...]
Nadim Mohamed on Thu, 29th Jan 2009 3:00 pm
Tevez is a write-off…thank goodness he’s a decent player…
Nigel Chambers on Mon, 2nd Feb 2009 12:28 pm
Trifon Ivanov is one scary dude!