Features, Offside POSTS
A team that would be pretty difficult to beat, especially with an ugly stick
Published by DSAdmin on January 27, 2009
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In A plea to the return of the glory days – of ugly footballers we discussed the theory of ugliness being the standard bearer of quality in football… how does this work out in reality?
Well here’s a team of modern day stars that would be pretty difficult to beat, especially with an ugly stick…
1. Oliver Kahn (Bayern Munich) : A shock of blonde hair, a face like a constipated duck, the personality of a lettuce and resonating as much warmth a Genghis Khan on one of his marauding rampages. Kahn is a truly deserving first choice keeper
2. Gary Neville (Manchester United) : He’s idolised by the United faithful, but there is no disgusing the petty nature of his character at times. His face looks as if it is about to melt, think Munch’s “The Scream” crossed with hot gruyere cheese.
3. Phil Neville (Everton) : Fitting that he plays opposite his brother in that he shares many characteristics with Gary, but isn’t quite as good a player. So to get him in the team I followed the advice of England managers past and put him left back.
4. Rio Ferdinand (Manchester United) : The tall defender has many great qualities. Looks isn’t one of them. His main problem is that he resembles the illegitimate love child of Scooby Doo and Shaggy.
5.Philippe Senderos (Milan) : The big Swiss defender was obviously inspired by the “Frankenstein” look that Iain Dowie made so popular.He has the physical appearance of someone who talks to themselves, chews on a stalk of grass and laughs at clouds.
6. Gennaro Gattuso (Milan) : Often called pugnacious, which is a euphemism for “my god he tries hard, but he is ugly.” Good to see the Italians represented in the team, although I will point out Gianfranco Zola is warming the bench ready for action.
7. Luke Chadwick (Leicester City) : A legend in the ugly stakes. A close up of his face is still used this day, across the breadth of Britain, as a threat to misbehaving children. If ugliness equated to talent, he’d have won the World Cup by now.
8. Robert Earnshaw (Nottingham Forest) : Obviously Earnshaw is the love child of the pointy toothed vampire Nosferatu, and the Mekon from the Dan Dare comics of the 1950’s. He is so ugly, even Leicester City refused to take him.
9. Ronaldo (Free Agent) : The moon faced, buck toothed superstar is a natural goalscorer and as talented as any player of the modern era. It is a joy to the facially inept that he has the sexual dynamism and physical attractiveness of a teabag.
10.Ronaldinho (Milan) : Just when you thought you could cope with Ronaldo, then along came Ronaldinho. Just as talented, twice as ugly. There is no truth in the rumours that he and Ronaldo are fronting an advertising campaign promoting the quality of Brazilian dentistry.
11.Carlos Tevez (Manchester United) : The United man deservedly earns a place in the team, just edging out Gianfranco Zola. Tevez combines a startling visage with a Quasimodo inspired appearance, that would be enough to give Bela Lugosi the screaming heebee jeebies.
Hard to beat and even harder to love, but you can guarantee that although they may not have the film star looks, they would play a beautiful game.
**Photo Credit – Main Post Picture – Carlos Tevez: el relativista **
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A plea for a return to the glory days - of ugly footballers | deciphersoccer.com on Sun, 25th Jan 2009 11:31 pm
[...] So how does this theory of ugliness being the standard bearer of quality in football, work out in reality? Well here’s a team of modern day stars that would be pretty difficult to beat, especially with an ugly stick. [...]
DSAdmin on Thu, 29th Jan 2009 3:42 pm
“Tevez combines a startling visage with a Quasimodo inspired appearance, that would be enough to give Bela Lugosi the screaming heebee jeebies.”, that’s just cold man!
Diego Zidane on Thu, 29th Jan 2009 4:03 pm
Gatusso is the man, they brought in pretty boy Becks to fill his role… right….
Nadim Mohamed on Tue, 3rd Feb 2009 11:20 am
Tevez looks like a monster…
Patricia DeSouza on Thu, 5th Feb 2009 1:52 pm
these are some scary footballers!