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The Premiership Manager’s Guide to good Refereeing
Published by Ian John on February 24, 2009
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Under Sub Clause 12b of Law 27, it states that all professional football officials when refereeing a game that involves a Premiership team of any given standing should be aware of the following proviso’s
1. If a Manchester United player falls to the ground claiming a free kick, and there is no clear contact from an opposition player. This is never a dive. Instead the Manchester United player is suffering from a temporary bout of non-specific ground gravitation, and as such an opposition player should be booked, or sent off, for suggesting that the player dived in the first place.
2. It is important to note that any decision given against Arsenal that is even vaguely contentious will be spotted immediately by Arsene Wenger, whose hawk like vision will be able to ascertain at a moments notice that Arsenal were offended against and hard done by. However should an Arsenal player be guilty of an obvious offence, then Mr Wenger will suffer from temporary ocular occlusion and will never see the incident at hand.
3. Visiting teams should not be awarded penalties at Anfield, Old Trafford, The Emirates Stadium and Stamford Bridge. The only time this rule can be breached is if a home team defender tears off a strikers head and beats him to a bloody pulp with it inside the six yard box. However should the opposition score from the resulting kick, it should be retaken due to entirely fictitious “encroachment”. A yellow card shall be awarded in this instance, but with a smile and an apologetic shrug.
4. Top players, such as Steven Gerrard, Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney, William Gallas, John Terry, Frank Lampard and John Obi Mikkel, never make poor, two footed, challenges, dive or verbally abuse an official. They just have issues with timing, gravity and velocity. Any complaints to the otherwise should be met with a booking for the opposition player who dares suggest otherwise.
5. Javier Mascherano is legally obliged to be sent off at Old Trafford for smiling at an official.
6. There is no such thing as hand ball in the penalty box of these home teams. It is always a case of unfortunate “ball to hand” and entirely allowable by law. In the opposition penalty box however it is always a case of hand ball. Failure to award the home team a penalty will result in stern rebuke from the manager, and added pressure to award a penalty the next time you referee a game involving that team.
7. The law of “rich team injury time” must also be applied. This law states that the amount of injury time played is dependent entirely on the situation of the game. If the home team is losing or winning, it is allowable for the official to add up to thirty additional minutes, or at least play until the home team have equalised or won the game. By the same token, if the home team is winning narrowly, then injury time may be deducted, or dispensed with entirely.
8. Managers, players and fans are allowed to criticise and dissect your performance as an official and question every possible facet of your personality in minute detail, as well as assassinate you as a character and professionally. However you are not allowed to voice your own feelings back for fear of offending their somewhat fragile sensibilities.
9. The offside law is only doubtful for visiting teams. Home team players are always onside and any potentially offside goals should be allowed to stand. Visiting team players must not only be onside, but also sending you and your extended family expensive birthday and Christmas presents, for their goal to stand.
10. Remember, you are never right. They are never wrong.
Photo Credit : **DianaKay** on Flickr.com
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Nabyl Charania on Tue, 24th Feb 2009 11:03 am
This is hilarious! This is never a dive. Instead the Manchester United player is suffering from a temporary bout of non-specific ground gravitation…
Nabyl Charania on Tue, 24th Feb 2009 11:04 am
I have to agree with number 5…Javier Mascherano is legally obliged to be sent off at Old Trafford for smiling at an official.
Nigel Chambers on Tue, 24th Feb 2009 1:17 pm
I like number 9: 9. The offside law is only doubtful for visiting teams. Home team players are always onside and any potentially offside goals should be allowed to stand. Visiting team players must not only be onside, but also sending you and your extended family expensive birthday and Christmas presents, for their goal to stand.