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The Decipher Soccer Awards 2009
Published by Ian John on May 8, 2009
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Since it is the time of the season when most of the awards are given out, and with tongue firmly in cheek, I present to you my own entirely arbitrary list of Decipher Soccer Awards for 2009…
The Award for “I wish I could turn back the clock twelve months” goes to… Mike Ashley, the Chairman of Newcastle United, who must be rueing the day a little voice in his head said “I know what we need Mike! We need to appoint Dennis Wise above Kevin Keegan, thus undermining Kevin’s position at the club and seeing him walk away leaving us in the lurch, thus sending the club into a needless downward spiral, alienating the fans and seeing an alarming drop off in performance that leaves the club in the relegation zone with three games of the season left.”
The Award for “most childish rant” of the season goes to… Rafa Benitez for his well publicised prepared rant about Sir Alex Ferguson. While many of Benitez grievances, certainly in the eyes of many non-Manchester United fans, may have some support. The fact that he was on his sick bed with kidney stones and decided to pen the diatribe was just not cool. I mean, can you imagine Brian Clough or Bill Shankly having to write down his retorts to another manager? It just looked a little…erm…sad really Rafa.
The “What a Waste of Money” award goes to… Robbie Keane of Liverpool, or Tottenham. Or both. It seems to me this transfer deal was the embodiment of the differences in opinion between Benitez and Rick Parry. Between them and their squabbling, they undermined the confidence of an excellent player, ruined the chance he had to make an impact at the club he supported as a boy and lost Liverpool somewhere in the region of £7m-£10m in the space of six months and then left the club decidedly short on striking options at the most crucial point of the season. Well played chaps!
The “oddest choice for sacking a manager” award goes to… Chelsea for sacking Luiz Felipe Scolari for being “too open and attacking”. This is the same “Big Phil” Scolari who is world renown for his defensive abilities and the fact that he wants his teams to focus on the negative. He has even criticised his own players for “not fouling enough” when manager of Gremio. He took control of the Brazil team and made “water carrier” players (as Eric Cantona called Didier Deschamps) such as Dunga and Gilberto Silva as the focal point of his team and turned Brazil from a flair packed side, into the functional, defensive team we see Dunga managing today. Too attacking? He’d have been proud of Chelsea’s performance in the Nou Camp is all I can say.
The award for “had a season to forget” goes to… Dimitar Berbatov of Manchester United. After sulking at Spurs, he finally got his £30m move to Old Trafford and has done precisely nothing to endear himself to United fans all season long. His somewhat relaxed demeanour on the field is at odds with the rest of United’s high pressure, high octane performances. Fluffing an absolutely awful penalty kick in the FA Cup Semi Final shootout with Everton can hardly have helped either, especially when he tried to look casual whilst taking it. Special mentions here for Lucas Leiva (The only footballer slower than a three toed sloth), Afonso Alves (Who?) and the entire Newcastle United first team squad.
The “best decision of the season” award goes to… controversially Alan Shearer. While Sir Alex Ferguson, Rafa Benitez, Gus Hiddink and Arsene Wenger usually contest this crown this season has seen other managers come to the fore. Roy Hodgson’s “keep a settled team” approach has worked wonders at Fulham, David Moyes “Phil Jagielka, you can take the winning penalty as you missed the one against Fiorentina last season” deserves a mention too. However Alan just nicks it for telling the overpaid thug Joey Barton to not bother coming to training for the rest of the season at Newcastle and labelling his tackle on Alonso “a disgrace”. At last, a manager not afraid to pull no punches when one of his squad does wrong. How wonderful to hear that as opposed to “I did not see it” or “the referee got it wrong” or “Alonso made a meal of it”.
The “worst decision of the season” award goes to…Nicklas Bendtner. The Dane not only flashed his backside at fans during the Semi Final loss to Manchester United, but then decides just hours earlier to be pictured leaving a club in the early hours, with his trousers round his ankles. He put this down to his “love of the club” and his “disappointment at the defeat”. Not being an overpaid, petulant, self-important, drunken baby then? Oh ok, just clearing that up.
The “worst refereeing decision of the season” award goes to… Tom Henning Ovrebo for his display of particular awfulness in the game between Chelsea and Barcelona. He displayed a degree of ineptitude hitherto unreached by referees in that he got every single major decision of the game wrong. That takes a special kind of referee to do that. It’s seldom I feel sorry for Chelsea, but this was one of those occasions.
More awards to follow in a subsequent article, who do you feel is deserving of a Decipher Soccer Award?
P.S. And is it just me, but does the picture with this article look a bit like Michael Ballack and Tom Henning Ovrebo are starring in their own rather dismal production of Scooby Doo? Joe Cole would make an excellent Scrappy, Rio Ferdinand could be Scooby AND Shaggy (which is worrying on so many levels)…
Image Courtesy of **Espana Italia** at Flickr.com
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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2 so far
Nabyl Charania on Fri, 8th May 2009 5:17 pm
The “worst refereeing decision of the season” award goes to… Tom Henning Ovrebo, i’d have to agree with that one!
Al-Nashir Charania on Fri, 8th May 2009 5:51 pm
Disagree with the award receipient of ‘had a season to forget’ (Berbatov). He has 9 goals and 9 assists this season. In terms of assists, only Fat-Frank and Superman-Ireland have more; both players have played in every game for their respective teams. In terms of goals, while he hasn’t reached the lofty heights of Torres and Ronaldo, he is still in the top 15 of strikers. We must take into account his first set of games were against a very strong and determined Chelsea and Liverpool (played extremely well providing assists in both games!), and until February, he averaged a goal or assist per game. Not too shabby!
Berbatov ranges from ridiculous skill to ridiculous lazy. Accepted. But having left Tottenham for trophies, not money, not game time. Having already secured the Carling Cup, World Club Championship, EPL almost in the bag, and UEFA Champions League a distinct possibility, can you argue he has had a seson to forget? Really? I thought not
My top 3 choices for this award are Drogba (just can’t seem to stop complaining, diving, and might end up with nothing, and Chelsea wanted to offload him before the season began), Adebayor (even he has said he and Arsenal are going backwards), and Agger (failure to make the Central Defence position his…Skrtel, are you kiddin’ me?).
Otherwise, great reading your stuff Ian!