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Commentator Calamities

Published by Ian John on October 29, 2009

Thursday has always been an odd day for football. It’s too far to get excited about the weekend’s games and it is also past any midweek games usually (apart from the fact that Europa League games now take place on this day when scheduled). If teams have played on a Wednesday, there’s usually not much happening and as such it tends to be a slow news day. I mean today for example, we have the news that Pavlyuchenko needs psychological help to cope with being fourth choice at Spurs, Liverpool want Juan Manuel Mata in the Valencia fire-sale and Wigan boss Roberto Martinez is quickly back-tracking over comments he is alleged to have made in the Spanish press about Sir Alex Ferguson and his minion managers who follow his every word against poor old lonely Rafa Benitez. It’s hardly news to get football fans awake and ready to face the day.

So in the spirit of friendship and with a wink to good humour, I bring you my list of commentator calamities rather than witter on about any of the above. Here are some of my favourite soccer commentator gaffes from the years. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did compiling them and that they brighten up your Thursday…

“I’d have to be superman to do some of the things I’m supposed to have done…I’ve been in six different places at six different times.” - George Best
“I’m a firm believer that if you score one goal, the other team have to score two to win.” - Howard Wilkinson. Why he didn’t get the England job full time remains a mystery.
“Nottingham Forest are having a bad run…they’ve lost six matches now without winning.” – David Coleman
“In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg.” – former England manager Kevin Keegan giving us insight into why he never qualified as a physio.
“Ian Baird is dashing around like a steam roller up front.” - Martin Tyler
“Every time Zidane goes inside, Roberto Carlos just goes bonking down the left wing” – Ron Atkinson. I think he mean’t “bombing down the left wing” but somehow I wish he didn’t!
“That’s an old Ipswich move – O’Callaghan crossing for Mariner to drive over the bar.” - John Motson. One wonders if Roy Keane has updated this tactic in recent times.
“For my money, Duff servicing people from the left with his balls in there, is the best option.” – Andy Gray

And to finish, my own little tribute to my personal favourite of calamitous commentators, the one and only, Mr Sheep-head himself, David Pleat.
“If there are any managers out there with a bottomless pit, I’m sure that they would be interested in these two Russians.”
“There’s Thierry Henry, exploding like the French train that he is.”
“Our central defenders, Doherty and Anthony Gardner, were fantastic and I told them that when they go to bed tonight they should think of each other.”
“For such a small man Maradona gets great elevation on his balls.”
“I’ve just noticed something interesting, the left and right backs have both got long sleeve shirts on.”
“Preki quite literally only has the one foot”

Class!

Image Courtesy of ***squadgod*** on Flickr.com

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