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Premier League Manager’s Christmas List…

Published by Ian John on November 8, 2009

It’s almost the season to be jolly, Sir Alex Ferguson and Kenny Dalglish’s favourite time of the year, when we dig out the tree, decorate the house and try and slobber kisses over work colleagues under the mistletoe. However, I’ve turned my back on such practices and have been busy digging around the laptops of the top Premier League managers and intercepting their letters to Santa. It’s been a tough task, that’s seen me dangled from ropes, scaling tall buildings and leaping from tree to tree in order to effect my escape, but I think it will be worth it for the insight alone.

“Dear Santa…
Please could you bring me some lego? You see the thing I’ve built is missing two pieces and it is just falling apart without them and to be honest, it is making me look a bit of a tit considering how long I’ve spent on it and how much money I’ve spent. So if you can either mend the two key pieces or replace them for me with some better new parts (preferably Spanish), that would be great. If not, can you send me through the latest housing for sale in the posh suburbs of Madrid? Love Rafa (Merseyside)”

“Dear Santa…
These new glasses are wonderful. I’ve seen lots this year and the toys I have been collecting over the years look wonderful. My only concern is that when someone plays against them, they tend to fall apart. Could you spare it in your heart to bring me some sellotape for the back line? Or maybe a helmet to protect our glass jaw? Love Arsene (London)”

“Dear Santa…
I’d just like enough to pay for the upkeep of my toys this year, otherwise I’ll have to sell some more to Uncle Harry. Love Paul H (South Coast)”

“Dear Santa…
Can you bring me some of Paul H’s toys again? I’ve heard they’ve not got much money and to be honest, most of them are the ones I bought anyway. I’m sure he won’t mind, he probably won’t be around come January anyway. Love Harry R (London)”

“Dear Santa…
Please can you work your magic to keep our neighbours in the spotlight for being utterly crap by their standards? This is working great for me as it means nobody has noticed how utterly crap we’ve been this season. Love David M (Merseyside)”

“Dear Santa…
David Silva, David Villa, Manuel Neuer, a brilliant centre back or two, the Champions League and one more title than Liverpool. And we deserve it because of who we are. Send it quickly. Sir Alex. (Manchester) (PS. Don’t bother sending any unfit presents, they are just not up to scratch)”

“Dear Santa…
You don’t need to send me anything this year because if I wanted to. I could buy it all anyway. Love Mark H (Manchester). (PS, but if you insist, can I have a gag for Robinho?)”

“Dear Santa…
I just want someone to love me. Mike A (Newcastle)”

“Dear Santa…
I’m not usually a man of faith, but could you please just give me one gift this year and let me know Jesus’s mobile number? Don’t take it personally, but I need miracles, rather than gifts at the moment. Love Phil B (Hull)”

“Dear Santa…
You need’nt bother with me this year. Our Christmas came early when the CAS lifted our ban and Uncle Roman handed me his credit card. See you next year! Love Carlo (London)”

“Dear Santa…
Do you think it woul dbe too much to be asked to be considered for a managers post at a top side? I mean I know we don’t have the right accent and our salaries are not high enough, but if you could put in a good word for us, we’d be most appreciative. Tony P (Stoke), Roy H (London) Owen C (Burnley)”

“Dear Santa…
No fecking injuries this summer. Please. For once just give us a break. Fabio C (England)”

Image Courtesy of ***Judder1952*** on Flickr.com

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